In my previous blog post How to transform envy to fuel your Desire, I shared about a former friend who I felt envious of when I saw how successful her business appeared to be.
Today I'm going to talk a little more about how envy fueled a specific desire I wasn't even aware of and...how I got that desire two weeks ago.
So I have this new friend I met during a coaching/personal and professional development program I've been deeply immersed in since April of this year. (Let's call my new friend Cynthia).
This program has exponentialized my skill as a coach, at helping my private coaching clients resolve their desires and create juice to bring those desires to pass.
One month ago, Cynthia and I were in a small group of people just chit chatting away. Another gal who wasn't present, Brooke, got brought up in the conversation. To which Cynthia said, "Oh yeah, Brooke. She's my client."
David goes, "Oh you mean like the peer coaching we do?"
Cynthia: "No, I mean as in Brooke hired me to coach her around this very specific thing I'm really good at and she struggles with."
In that moment, I felt a pang of envy. Although I didn't have the words to articulate it then, the desire beneath the envy was this: I wanted someone in our coaching program to see something in me that they want in their life so much so that they'd hire me to coach them to help them receive it.
I felt that envy. I felt the desire. I let it pass. And didn't think about it again really...until yesterday.
I received a text message from a gal in our program, asking to do an exploratory session with me, to help her identify and get really clear about the things she is most desiring in her life professionally, romantically, and with her health.
We scheduled our exploratory call for today.
By the end of the call, she hired me to coach her in bringing her desires to fruition.
In one month, I have received the desire that was masked by my envy.
Remember my friendly challenge to you at the end of my previous post? Well, I have a modification for you today.
Try this out next time Envy pays you visit:
1. Look at your underlying desire. What do you want that the other person has?
2. Once you've clearly identified what the driving force desire is, great! Go about the business of living your life and don't spend much, or any, mental energy thinking about it.
I won't make any guarantees that you'll receive your desire in one month.
What I will say though, is that you can get in relationship with your envy and use it as your ally to pull your desires into your life.
How often do you experience envy?
Are you even aware of it when it arises?
Envy is one of those insidious emotions that can ruin the experience of feeling (and ultimately having) your desires. It can also stop you dead in your tracks from going after and receiving your own dreams.
I had a falling out with a friend about 5 years ago. Last October I was randomly browsing Facebook and one of her recent posts popped up on my feed. It described an incredible success she'd been having in her business.
I "couldn't help myself" so I Google'd her business, visited her Twitter page, and read an abundance of rave reviews about her work.
By the end of this exercise in self-flagellation, I felt drained upset, and deeply envious.
Can you relate to this?
Fortunately, I was aware enough (of my emotional state and of the thoughts running a racket in between my ears) that I was able to identify what the real thing was behind all this emotion.
That thing was my desire.
It was my desire to create an impact in my work in the way that I saw that she had.
It was my desire to attract collaborators and help for my business in that I saw that she had.
And that's where the energy softens.
One of the ways to transmute the energy of ENVY into POWER, CONFIDENCE, andCONNECTION is to get in touch with your desire.👭
The initial hit of Envy in and of itself isn't necessarily a bad thing.
It's what you do with it!
Here's your assignment...if you're ready to accept this mission!
Start with this next time Envy hits.
1. Look at your underlying desire. What do you want that the other person has?
2. Is there some part of you that doesn't think you can have it?
Let me know how it goes!
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I've been thinking a lot recently about envy in relation to social media.
You're feeling all fine about life then come across a Facebook friend's post and soon afterwards your feel-good juju turns to sadness or this pervasive sense that something's actually wrong. You should be doing more. You should be doing something else. This isn't enough.
The acronym used to describe this phenomenon is FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out.
In the video below, I describe a recent experience kicking FOMO's arse.
What do you to keep the envy gremlins at bay?
I was amped, stoked, in action, then I stalled. I wouldn't touch it, look at it, didn't even want to think about it.
I'm talking about my book.
I'm the Author of the upcoming book Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence: Using Your Body to Rock Your Life.
But 3 months ago, I stopped working on it. My perfectionist came to the surface. I judged everything I'd already written, refusing to write anything else because I would just judge that too.
And then last weekend came around.
I was my publisher's Get Your Book Done camp. Being with him for 3 days straight in a community of other Authors all working on our books was friggin' AMAZING.
I experienced a shift.
I came back into relationship with my book, adding pages and pages of content.
I secured an editor and formatter.
My fire for my book is back.
The keys to this: structure and community.
I had a structure: Fri-Sun from 9am to 7pm I was in a room working on the book under the guidance of my mentor.
I had community: The energy of others working on the same thing is INVALUABLE to the life of the thing I'm working on.
Now that the camp is over, I'm setting up ongoing structure and community to COMPLETE my dream and desire of finishing this book.
What about you?
Which of your desires needs to be resuscitated? Is it to change jobs, start your own business, or get promoted in your current work? Is your next desire to lose 15 lbs?
You don't have to do this alone - and you shouldn't.
Community and structure are KEY to bringing your desires from make-believe to physical reality.
And to support you with community and structure (and fun), I'm facilitating The Rock Your Life Danceshop(TM) on Saturday, May 28, 2016 in Los Angeles.
This event is designed to help you have your dream job(s) and relationships in your dream body image through Latin, House, African, and Zumba dance.
I would love for you to experience the Danceshop with the existing people in your community. Bring 10 people and automatically receive a $35 Lululemon gift card + your Danceshop registration is free. This is not a drawing. The gift card is yours. Email me right now and confirm this as your registration option.
Additional Registration options:
2. Register now for one ticket - $10 in advance (Register at https://squareup.com/store/feel-good-kick-ass/item/rock-your-life-danceshop-tm)
3. Bring 3 people and your registration is free. Email firstname.lastname@example.org to make arrangements.
4. Pay $15 at the door
Once you've registered you and your peeps, make it a goal to spark a connection with another Danceshop attendee that can last beyond May 28.
You never know who you'll meet, and the kind of support you'll receive to bring more and more desires into existence down the line!
Do you feel overwhelmed with keeping your body tight AND making those professional changes you've been dying to make? Here's some inspiration just for you!
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Alright alright. You've made 10,000 steps a day your goal. But if you work in an office or spend most of your day sitting in front of a laptop, then you may not get your activity in until you get to the gym later. Even then, an hour workout at the gym won't net you your 10K. You're more likely to accumulate 50K or 60K, IF you're taking a steps-laden cardio-heavy class like ZUMBA.
So you tell yourself, "I'm going to take breaks during the day." You set your timer to get up from your desk for a 10-minute walk once an hour, but you're so seeped in your work and in the zone that the alarm dings and you bypass it.
Although you know how important it is to get up, stretch and go for that walk, you can't bring yourself to do it.
Before you know it, work day's done and you've only taken two 10-minute walking breaks (avg. 2400 steps) when your goal was 6 breaks.
I know firsthand how challenging it can be to take those much-needed breaks. Sometimes getting in those 10,000 steps seems to be virtually impossible, especially when you've got a mountain of work before you.
I've also had a chiropractor come into my former office environment sharing with us the risk for spinal complications and carpel tunnel by staying in that one seated position for way too long. She recommended we get up once every 30 minutes to stretch or take a break, even if it was for just a couple minutes.
So I thought up a simple system (designed to spread your steps out over the course of the day) that takes the thinking out of this whole steps-and-stretch thing. When I follow it, I feel fulfilled and energized.
***Caveat: You won't accumulate all 10,000 steps from just doing this system so NOPE, this does not replace your 60-minute hike, jog, gym or dance class. This simple approach is intended for you to get about HALF your steps in. I thought this up because I found that even after teaching the most energetic ZUMBA classes, I would get only 70% of my steps in for the day. And if I wasn't spending much of my day walking and the rest of the time at a desk, then I had to make the concerted effort to get in the rest of those steps.
Anyway, try this and let me know how it goes!
Here's the basic concept, or what I call the 30-5-45 Rule:
- Stand up and stretch after 30 min.
- Go for a 5 min. walk every 45 minutes.
How It Works:
Why It Works:
Here's a tip to help you follow this: After the 30 min. alarm, mentally prep yourself to realize that 15 minutes from now you will get up and go for that walk.
OK. Let's say you're thinking, "This sounds great Val. But, eh. I don't know. I don't think I'll have the time to really do all this."
What's that about? So here's the deal. I'm a big fan of aligning your mindset with your new behaviors designed to evoke an important change you want to experience. But how many times have you taken on some new resolution or scheme without doing that mindset work?
I've got something for that too. I ran a 30-min tele-class where I outlined 3 Steps to Create More Time Than You Think You Have.
Access the 30-minute recording for free right here.
When your mind, spirit, and actions are all aligned, watch how unstoppable you become!
P.S. While writing this entry, I came across a very cool BBC article The slow death of purposeless walking. It has a different take on walking and touches on the connection between walking, thinking, and quality of life. I enjoyed it and got something valuable from reading. Hope you do too.
I recently had the opportunity to be featured as a guest contributor on She's Next, a portal that empowers women to create financial, social, and spiritual freedom.
The question I addressed was:
What's your motto and how does it help you achieve your dreams?
In this under-2-minute video, I discuss what it means to say yes first, then get ready and how this particular motto has helped me do things I would surely NOT have done otherwise.
As you watch, I invite you to consider how you can start implementing this motto in your own life.
What's some really important activity that you struggle with having enough time to do? On a consistent basis.
I'd like to share a hypothetical with you, as an example that we really are masters of our own schedule.
Let’s say the activity Genevieve is struggling with is “going to the gym 3X a week.” And let’s say she’s pinpointed why It’s important to her: She wants to be around to see her great grandchildren (she’s only 35 now, but has high aspirations) AND she doesn’t want to fall victim to heart disease like so many relatives in her family.
Now, another step Genevieve will find helpful is to uncover her resistance to the activity she’s struggling with. That will help pinpoint where the sabotaging behavior is coming from.
Let's say she's done the work and she uncovers that she actually believes something counterproductive about exercise even though she knows why it’s important to her.
Taking Genevieve through a simple process, that we’ll uncover during next week’s Not Enough Time call (Tuesday, Nov. 10th @ 5PM PST) causes her to realize she actually hates gyms. She associates the gym with a bad accident she had years ago, so there’s resistance to physically being in gyms.
What an eye-opener.
Genevieve now has a world of opportunities open to her because she got clear about why the activity is important to her and then took it a step further to uncover what she actually thinks about the activity itself.
Genevieve is now in a position to take further steps to recover from the gym accident so she can feel differently about gyms.
She can just go ahead and create other empowering exercise possibilities for her well-being and completely let go of this idea that fitness and wellness means "going to the gym 3X a week."
That's what this call is about: Getting you to a place of empowerment so you can make decisions about how you spend your time and stand by them from a mountaintop viewpoint.
If you've already registered for the call, great! If not, there's still time. Grab your free spot here.
Feel good and kick ass!
I love this quote. And I do believe it can be misunderstood.
Some take this to the extreme and actively seek opportunities to be abrasive "just because." More like a defense mechanism. Like "nobody said you had to like me so f--- you first. I'll piss you off before you have a chance to reject me."
That's not coming from confidence though.
When I honestly embody this quote, my energy is soft about my differences. I can know I am safe in all my quirks and imperfections and allow myself, the parts of me that just want to express, to come to the surface.
I can follow my intuition and know that who I am and how I behave ain't gonna fancy everybody. And from that space know that it's aight.
Not everyone is going to, should, or needs to jive.
That's when this quote has its most genuine power.
I accept me and it's all good if you do or don't.
Do you accept yourself?
I didn't think I would organize a MeetUp group again, but I have such a strong desire to facilitate regular Moving Workshops that I have to create my own opportunities.
Somewhere 2007-2010 I ran a meetup group called YoungFemMillionaires, for women with 7-figure aspirations. I shut that group down years ago and have now created the L.A. Women Feel Good Kick Ass Meetup.
We'll meet at least once a month and address a topic related to building confidence and successful living. What makes it a Moving Workshop, or DanceShop, is that it fuses the personal development group coaching experience with dance.
I facilitate the dancing to ZUMBA and Deep House tracks. So we work out, express ourselves creatively, discuss confidence personal and professional success, share what's up, have fun. The awesome blend of mind and body.
What?!? I can't wait.
Interested? Joining the MeetUp group is free.
And if you know someone who would be ALL OVER THIS, please share this with them.
Words to Live By
Be super kind to yourself.