Yesterday I posted about work life/harmony vs. work/life balance. I’ve got another term for you today.
I regularly get together with professionals on Clubhouse where we discuss leadership, personal growth, mindset, and the evolving nature of work in Western society.
During a recent conversation, an executive coach dropped the phrase WORK/LIFE BLEND. My mind did a backflip before landing in Savasana.
I had never heard the expression ‘work/life blend’ before and I love it.
For me, blend is synonymous with harmony. When you blend, you mix and combine certain things together in different proportions, volumes, tastes, flavors…figuratively as well as literally. When you harmonize, you produce a satisfying combination of factors.
Practically, this looks like not checking work emails during my designated personal/me/sacred self-care time.
It looks like knowing when my peak mental-output hours are during the workday and declining social calls during that time.
It looks like making sure I do my physical workout every morning before I engage in deep conversation with anyone.
It looks like playing with my furbaby and going on walks during my breaks when I work from home.
Last week, it looked like going on a new adventure by taking a half day off to go to the horse racing track with friends.
Recently, it looked like consciously choosing to put in 2 hours of arts education lesson planning (for my parallel career) on a Sunday so that I could have a non-existent workload on Monday.
I don’t balance my social life, romantic life, work life, physical well-being, etc. to the same degree. I do consciously choose and design everything I do though.
(This post might make more sense if you go back and read yesterday's post.)
Here's a cool article for your reading pleasure --> Why We Need Work Life Blend Not Work Life Balance.
Regarding work and life, the word BALANCE never did it for me. Still doesn’t.
Balance conjures images of tightrope walkers steadying long and heavy poles, working hard to manage the opposing forces at play so they don’t fall over. Balance requires an even distribution of weight to achieve the desired outcome.
Do you really want to think about your life in this way?
How does it feel when you think you’ll fall over if everything isn’t balanced correctly?
Do you want to believe that work and the rest of your life are in opposition to each other?
If you’re like me, and need another word to express your desired relationship between work and the rest of your life, then consider HARMONY instead.
I used to play alto sax in concert bands and one thing I learned is that you do not need to have balance in order to achieve satisfaction.
Harmony is produced through the combination of multiple factors in varying proportions to experience a desired effect.
You have many instruments playing completely different notes at different volumes and, at times, different tempos.
All doing their own thing, yet coming together to create auditory beauty. These instruments do not require equal airtime in order to achieve harmony.
I choose to view the work/life interplay in this way. You can get the different pieces of your life to play well together, even when some of those pieces don’t appear to be balanced with others. (Check out this Forbes article for more on this topic: Life 'Balance' is Really More About Harmony.)
If the desired effect of satisfaction is achieved, then who cares about balance?
You just have to figure out the right combination of work and other aspects of life that produces your desired satisfaction.
I can help you with that.
Drop me a message in the contact page of this website. And let's create your work/life harmony together.
You want to leave your current job. So you applied to another job. But honestly though? You’re not crazy about that job either.
You wish you could pursue other interests and ideas instead. You think the answer might be to start your own business.
But how do you know which idea to go with?
Consider these three things.
Combine your interests into one idea.
That’s what I did.
I explored desired possibilities as I worked in full-time office jobs I wasn’t particularly crazy about. I considered my love for and experience with inspirational speaking, acting, on-camera hosting, emceeing, life coaching, writing, and performing/teaching dance and fitness.
I had pursued several of these independently, but I wanted to experience all of them in one setting.
My business Feel Good Kick Ass began as a hybrid movement and coaching service in 2015. My signature offering was the Rock Your Life Danceshops™, for which I was, and am still, proud of creating. I inspired and coached groups of people while entertaining them in the context of a dance/movement experience with content I wrote. Boom! All my interests in one idea.
Explore a hybrid possibility for your own endeavor.
Seek outside perspectives.
If you can’t see a way to combine your ideas, involve someone else in your process. Your proximity to your own circumstance might prevent you from seeing what a skilled problem-solver can see. With a little help you just might figure out the hybrid model for your new career or business. Let me make it real easy for you. Message me for a free consultation.
Just pick one.
If you prefer to choose one path but don't know which one to pick, be careful not to set up residence in the contemplation zone. This is where you vacillate for a ridiculous amount of time. Two years go by and you're still thinking which interest to pursue.
Massive indecision ensures you'll never have to risk failure. Letting yourself stay stuck in confusion is a clever way your unconscious mind keeps you safe. New endeavors mean danger to the primitive brain. Your rational thinking mind knows you're OK. Go ahead and choose a path.
Imagine that all your interests were guaranteed to be successful. If that were the case, which one would you enjoy doing more? If you knew that, no matter what you did, your path was going to thrive and be prosperous, then it’s just a matter of selecting the more appealing path.
I learned this decision-making technique from my coach Brooke and it has helped me. Try it.
If you desire further assistance with making decisions, be sure to read my other articles Why It’s So Hard to Make Decisions and How to Make Confident Decisions.
Think of "starting a business" in a less anxiety-producing way. Starting a business can feel daunting and overwhelming, especially when you already feel upset about the current unhappy state of your work life. I invite you to make a small tweak in your thinking.
Instead of putting all that pressure on yourself to start a business in order to get out of your current job, do this instead:
As you shift your perspective about your job into one of empowerment, the urgency you feel about leaving will decrease. Less anxiety means you'll have more vitality to create your new endeavor.
The first interest I explored, prior to creating Feel Good Kick Ass, was developing my written and spoken voice as a mindset coach. I produced weekly episodes for a mindset blogcast every single week for 11 months straight.
The next interest was introducing life coaching components in the dance/fitness classes I was already teaching.
After that, I explored renting a yoga studio and starting a meetup group to facilitate what became the Rock Your Life Danceshops™.
Somewhere in there I also explored working with one-on-one clients privately. And so on.
For you, explore one thing then the next. Include a few free clients to boost your confidence. Then work your way up from there.
To sum it up:
The only way to get it wrong is by not doing anything. You’ve got this.
I work with clients for 9 months to 1 year as the most impactful thing you can do to catapult your career fulfillment while feeling good about yourself. If you're ready to propel forward, stop dipping your toe in the water. Just jump in. Complete this questionnaire or send me a message and we’ll book your complimentary powerful coaching conversation.
The work I do as a life coach prioritizes personal wellness as THE guiding force to achieving and experiencing the dreams, desires, goals, and visions for your life.
I am particularly drawn to helping office professionals because I was once a dissatisfied full-time employee whose physical, mental, and emotional wellness took a toll from the unnecessary and outdated 9 to 5 lifestyle.
My transformation inspired me to write an entire book about my personal wellness journey and how it resulted in two meaningful parallel careers outside the traditional work schedule.
But what is personal wellness?
In this video, I share insights from others as well as my own definition.
By the end of the video, ask yourself: What does personal wellness mean to you? Which personal wellness category do you want to improve?
Here are the links I referenced in the video:
If you want to learn how to create career satisfaction as a result of taking fantastic care of yourself, then complete this questionnaire and let's talk.
We created meaningful 3D objects during the final session of the UCLArts & Healing Social Emotional Arts on A Shoestring training this weekend. We then wrote poems based on our visual art masterpieces.
My sculpture declines the posting of its likeness so I will share the poem instead, a dialogue between the one who aspires and the object of desire.
As a life coach, I midwife desire.
As you read, I invite you to insert a dream, goal, vision, or desire you’ve either struggled to actualize or have yet to express.
I am your desire.
I wonder how you’ll come to be.
I hear your hunger deeply.
I see you yearn for me too.
I want you to know you can have me.
I pretend I don’t fancy you.
I feel your longing anyway.
I touch chasmic tenderness when I think of you.
I understand how vulnerable I make you feel.
I say I want you, yet I am frightened.
I dream of you as you contemplate me.
I try to move towards you.
I hope that you do.
I am open…and willing.
I am your desire. I am you.
If you're ready to birth a long-wanted desire, I can help. Contact me.
I felt the life drain out of me when I worked 40-hr/week office jobs.
I lived on the other side of town so my commutes sucked. On top of that, no matter how much effort I put in to create expansive opportunities to thrive at the job, something was still very off.
The jobs, in and of themselves, were good jobs. But I wasn't the best fit for them.
My body was there, but my mind and heart were elsewhere. This dissonance affected my sleep. It contributed to my stinky morning moods. But I wasn't ready, nor in a position to, resign just yet.
I thought about this long and hard. I shared about it with trusted confidantes, including a colleague in another department.
I had a teary-eyed breakdown in front of her. I just didn't know what to do.
Then she asked me a powerful question: “Valerie, why don’t you propose a 30-hr per week schedule instead of 40?”
My mind was blown. The idea had never crossed my mind. I didn't even know I could do that.
I immediately felt relief at the suggestion. So I ran with it...in steps.
Step 1: Confirm the Financials
I had recently been granted a promotion so I was already earning more than I had been a few weeks prior. I calculated expenses and income to make sure that a 30-hr/week income wouldn't be shooting myself in the foot. My findings: I could afford to bump down to 30. And even if the numbers didn't pan out favorably, I knew how I could earn the difference doing work that was more in my wheelhouse.
Step 2: Collect Data
For 2-3 weeks straight, I kept a daily log of how much time I spent fulfilling my duties and responsibilities. From the time I sat at my desk to the time I left for the day, I accounted for every minute. If I was going to ask for a reduction in hours then I chose to provide undeniable justification for it. My findings: It took me 30 hours per week to do my job. Not 40.
Step 3: Make the Request
I showed my manager that I only needed 30 hours to fulfill my duties. I made the case that for me to be there longer was inefficient and an unnecessary expense on the department's financial resources. I didn't make the request about me. I did not say, "I really don't like these commutes. I'm not sleeping well. And I'm feeling depressed." I focused on the value my request would bring to my employer.
Step 4: Enjoy It
My 30-hr request was granted. I worked 6 hours a day instead of 8. My schedule rotated between 10am-4pm and 11am-5pm instead of 9-5 and 10-6. Yes! I felt mad gratitude to my colleague who made the suggestion. I appreciated my trusted confidantes in holding space for me to process my desire. I thanked myself for following through on this act of personal care and wellness. My mornings were no longer filled with stinky moods. They were glorious. I filled that time with edifying activities, including taking action to build my business.
This experience taught me that I didn't have to adhere to other society's expectations of what a work schedule should look like.
This experience taught me that I could be a great employee AND prioritize my well-being.
In fact, I am a great employee BECAUSE I prioritize my well-being.
This experience taught me that so much more is negotiable than I can imagine.
What do you need to negotiate in support of your well-being?
I help professionals experience vitality at work, and beyond, by prioritizing their personal wellness.
Contact me if you're ready to live like this.
Being proud of yourself is not a bad thing.
Check out these synonyms for pride: pleasure, joy, delight, fulfillment, satisfaction.
You might shun expressing or experiencing pride for fear you'll be perceived as arrogant; however, arrogance and pride don't even belong in the same sentence.
Pride is all about self-love, self-nourishment, self-acknowledgement.
Pride blesses you with the stamina to keep moving in the direction of your dreams, desires, and goals.
Arrogance has nothing to do with love. It's a defense mechanism stemming from insecurity.
I'm taking a powerful training through UCLArts & Healing called Social Emotional Arts on a Shoestring.
I'm learning visual art, movement, music, and writing techniques to help my life coaching clients and dance education students foster a deeper sense of well-being/personal wellness through self-expression, connection, and creative engagement.
Our first class was on creative writing. One of the prompts was to personify an emotion. I chose to create a poem about pride.
Pride slingshots to the moon.
She dances rubies and sings fruit juice.
Pride adorns her eyelids with rainbow glitter.
She perceives sunlight as her own.
Pressing up against the glass of fate,
proclaiming angels as her emissaries.
Pride is love, warmth.
The truth of you, in secret,
waiting for you to greet her.
As a life coach, I support folx in identifying and experiencing desired emotions, like pride. We use these feeling states as fuel to design and fulfill your most confident and vital life. Message me if you're ready.
I used to work in different administrative capacities for several years and in one of those jobs I experienced a huge mismatch between the person I was, the value I brought to my position, and my job title.
I actually wrote about it a few weeks ago in When Your Job Title Doesn't Match Your Identity. That post is the precursor to this one. Definitely check it to get the full backstory leading up to asking for a promotion.
I prepared for my promotion in a very particular way.
Ask yourself, "How can I best support and provide undeniable evidence for my promotion request?”
Watch the video for the specific method that worked for me.
It could work for you too.
If you’re ready to accelerate your career satisfaction and increase your vitality, then let’s talk about one-on-one coaching. Reach out to me and let’s do this.
You think you SUCK at making decisions.
You hem and haw for days.
You ask a bunch of people what they think, hoping that the answer will be crystal clear once you hear the "right" answer. But you're left even more confused.
You make a choice. Then you change your mind. Two minutes later you flop back to your first choice.
In my previous post Why It's So Hard to Make Decisions, I uncovered a hidden reason why you feel like a hummingbird's wings when you're presented with options. Before you continue reading, read that post and watch the accompanying short video to get to the root of why you do what you do.
I'll wait . . .
OK, now that we're both on the same page, here's how you go about making confident decisions. Ready? Oh, but why didn't I just title this article "How to Make Decisions"?
Because it's not just about making any old decision. It's about feeling good with your decision, even if the outcome doesn't go the way you expect. It's about making decisions that inspire you. It's about making decisions that leave you feeling proud of yourself.
Confident decision-making boils down to two words: TRUST YOURSELF
Ugh. Cue the eye rolling. Cue the exasperated, "Seriously? But how do I do that?"
Your brain can't wrap it's head around what trusting yourself even means.
Stay with me here.
Know thyself to trust thyself.
OMG, Valerie. Are you kidding me with this cryptic esoteric verbiage?
Hold up. Let me break it down for you and then provide practical application.
Think of your social life. What’s the point of dating people before getting into a relationship with them? To get to know them, right? To understand how they view the world. To see if you can live with their quirks. To determine if you gel together.
Now fast forward ten dates later. How do you feel about someone you spend lots of quality time with? You trust them. You believe in their reliability. You believe they are being honest with you. You know they have your back.
When you trust someone you have confidence that they have your best interests in mind and at heart.
Now switch the camera to selfie view. When you trust yourself you have confidence that you are looking out for you. You believe in your reliability towards yourself.
Same way that you would spend oodles of quality time with a love interest, do the same with yourself. Spend oodles of quality time solo. Take that cherished me-time. Even if you’re an extrovert, you can still find time to just do you. Take yourself on an artist date. Start small if you must. 30 minutes. Then build up from there. Re-discover yourself.
Some other ideas:
Spend time with yourself to know yourself.
Know yourself to trust yourself.
Trust yourself to make confident decisions.
Want more tools to deepen your self-trust? Read my entire book "Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence: Using Your Body to Rock Your Life" for comprehensive techniques and practices on the road to making more and more confident decisions.
You don't like your office job. But you don't think you're ready to jump ship...yet. Or you vacillate between I need to get the f*** out of here and Well, maybe it's not so bad.
When I worked in admin, and retail, I wish someone could've just given me the answer. And I wish that answer came from someone who knew what it was like to have the job I did. It was excruciating being in that in-between space. And I stayed in that space for years.
Well, I've created a quiz to help you move forward and take the next step. Take the quiz below. You'll receive one of three suggestions about what to do next.
If you want forward traction, do the suggestions.
When I was in the I-don't-know zone, I worked with multiple business coaches to help guide my exit plan. None of them had my experience though. None of them spoke the language of admin or retail. See the thing was, I didn't just need help with getting the hell out of the job and creating my life coaching and dance workshops business. I needed guidance with navigating excellence at the job while I sought greener pastures. That's a whole 'nother ballgame.
That's why I created this quiz. For admins by a former admin.
Have fun! And do the work.
Today we’re talking about why it’s so hard to make decisions. Whether it's which restaurant to pick for dinner, which outfit to wear to the party, or what your next career move is, I've got you covered.
In this video I share two reasons why you're struggling to make decisions. With these reasons in hand, I trust that you’ll get to the root of what causes you to prolong your decision-making. Awareness is the first step to change.
Are you a dissatisfied professional craving an exceptional career, business, and life? Are you capable of so much more than you're currently living? I can help you find the vitality and joy missing from your life by cultivating admirable personal wellness. Let's start with how you communicate. Receive my free virtual class How to Become a Confident and Assertive Communicator.
"Oh, you're just a [glorified] secretary." A co-worker once said this to me when I was as an administrative professional. Now, that comment hurt.
Part of it was my immediate reaction to the outdated and sexist overtone of this person's opinion. The other part of it was the very real internal conflict I experienced in having a profession that didn't match the way I viewed myself on the inside. I also had a profession that was out of alignment with the work I wanted to be doing in the world.
I saw myself as an intelligent, confident, talented, capable, creative Ivy League graduate who happened to have this admin job as I worked to create my parallel careers in life coaching and dance/entertainment. I didn't necessarily want to be working in admin, but there I was. So I chose to make it work.
First, there's nothing wrong with having any kind of job title - as long as you want that job and it works for you, just as much as you work for it. But if it's not working, if you still feel unseen and overlooked, then we've got a problem. Maybe one time the name wasn't a big deal, but now it's really bothering you. You feel that you can, and do, bring so much more to the table than this one- or two-word label captures.
My fellow professional, you're experiencing cognitive dissonance. It's when you have conflicting beliefs about yourself. On the one hand you have this job title and to some degree you agree that you are this title. On the other hand, you're absolutely not that job title. You believe you are something else. And you want to live into this something else more and more. Hello internal conflict!
(Sidenote: Here's a quick way to tell how you really feel about your job title. When you think of the name, do you experience pride or shame? Do you slump your shoulders and frown or do you lift your head as if wearing a crown?)
But it's just a name. What's the big deal? You are not your job. This shouldn't matter, right?
Forget should or shouldn't. This is about what does or doesn't affect you.
It matters because this boils down to identity. You spend so much time in your job, doing the roles of that job. So even if you don't consciously take on the identity of that job name, you are, in fact, adopting that job as part of your identity. It also matters because how you and others view you may adversely impact your job performance.
I think this experience might be more common than people admit or acknowledge. I went through my fair share of this, until I decided who I was, who I wanted to be, and showed up in that way. Eventually my job title changed to match this decisive version of me. In fact, my internal conflict and cognitive dissonance dissipated before the original job label did. And it can for you too.
Know this: You're not alone.
Know this: You can dramatically alter your experience without anything on the outside changing first. Here's how.
Write down every task, responsibility, and way of being that goes above and beyond the job description you were originally hired for. Write down every way in which you are proud of how you show up, e.g. You proactively present three solutions for every problem you bring to your boss.
Write down every accolade a colleague has shared with you. Acknowledge everything.
Reflect on the inventories you've written. Marinate in the proud, accomplished, and successful feelings that emerge. THIS is your identity. Bring this essence with you to work everyday. Let this energy fuel your daily actions. It soon becomes crystal clear that you've outgrown the original job title.
Do you know what time it is now?
Time to request your promotion!
The internal conflict you experienced before was just growing pains. You couldn't articulate it then, but you just needed to shed some old skin. As you fed and nourished yourself with your preferred identity, your self-perception grew. And now you're ready to wear the skin, to wear the clothing, that actually fits.
I went through this process of filling myself up first, of bringing my best self to the table and the natural next step was to get a promotion. I created a case for it. I presented it to my manager. They initially said, "I'll take this into consideration." I followed up. I was told, "Not yet." I kept following up. I kept showing up above and beyond that official job title. Then my manager said, "Yes, and I've got something better for you." My new job title was a step up from the one I asked for and my new compensation rate was higher than I had requested.
Decide who you are. Be that. The job title will follow.
Do you show up to your desk everyday thinking about how much you don’t like your job, worried that you’re not making the impact you want to make with your gifts and talents? This is what I help clients with. I help professionals take control of their work life and feel confident about the direction their career is going while experiencing fantastic health and great relationships. I’m going to help you figure out how to view your job and career through the lens of possibility and opportunity instead of dread and disappointment. Book a call with me.
What do you when you feel like your job is a hindrance to, rather than an expression of, living the life you want? In this video, I discuss the difference between having a job vs. having a career. I also share a simple sentence you can start using immediately that will help you transform your lackluster job situation into an experience of purpose, connection, and power.
If you resonate with this message and desire personalized guidance to transform your job, reach out to me. I work with clients one-on-one for an entire year to create careers they love without sacrificing their social lives and personal wellness.
One of the things I love so much about working out is the abundant training ground it provides for all areas in life. In this video, I show you how to apply the discomfort you experience from exercise to fuel your career growth.
Contact me if this message resonates with you. I have a knack for helping people clarify what they want, create goals based on those desires, and then chunk 'em down to bite-sized action steps, all while managing their mind to keep motoring when the tides get rough.
How do you believe in yourself?
Try practicing the four sentences above.
Believing in yourself doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing-you-do-or-you-don't ordeal. Belief can occur on a continuum. It can be a process of development, a process of unfolding.
Stage 1: I can do it.
Start by whispering the words I can do it OR I'm willing to do it. I love throwing the words I'm willing to in front of any belief I want to adopt, but I'm not fully on board with yet. If I'm willing doesn't work for you then try I think I can do it. The key is to massage your mind from the territory of not-gonna-happen to the realm of possibility.
I love taking daily walks. A couple of months ago, I noticed that I reached the same street 15 minutes into my walk. Almost every time. I looked ahead and realized that I was three (long) blocks away from a main road. I felt this desire emerge from my gut. That desire articulated itself into an idea: I wonder if I can reach that street down there in the same amount of time it takes me to get here.
I immediately psyched myself out with thoughts like:
Well, that means I'd have to run or jog and I'm not a runner.
I hate that long distance running stuff.
Though I am a dancer, dance educator, former fitness instructor, and all-around fitness enthusiast, running/jogging for long stretches is a whole 'nother beast. In the past I couldn't stand the piercing lactic acid in my shins nor the continual boob bounce.
Yet the desire grew. I couldn't ignore it. So with each subsequent daily walk I mentally calculated how many blocks I would have to jog or run to reach my desired destination in 15 minutes.
Well, I could alternate jogs with walks.
I don't have to jog or run the whole way.
I can make this more enjoyable. I can add skipping and galloping.
My doubt and disbelief turned into I think I can do this the more I thought about doing it.
Stage 2: I'm doing it.
There comes a point when can must turn into will. Possibility turns into decision. Decision does not mean action must follow immediately. You can still work your way into actually doing. But you're a step closer because you made the decision to do it. Pay attention to the energy rush you may feel when you tell yourself that you're doing it. Even if you don't do it that red hot moment.
As I kept thinking about this desire to reach that particular street in 15 minutes, I began telling myself I'm doing it days before I ever attempted the trip. Then one day a few weeks ago, I started doing it. I made the trip palatable by alternating jogs, brisk walks, slower walks, skipping, and galloping until I reached that main street in under 15 minutes.
Stage 3: I did it.
What once was a source of disbelief is now a reality. You can unequivocally say that you've done the thing. It's a fact. Feel that burgeoning confidence. Delight in the accomplishment.
Now next time the idea emerges to do the thing again you may hear a voice inside say, "But, but, but, can we? I don't know." Just simply answer, "Well, I've already done this."
Feel the certainty of that statement settle in. Watch the doubter hush the fug up.
Damn, it felt good to have made it to that street in under 15 minutes knowing how far outside my comfort zone I had to go in order to make it happen. Little did I know this was the beginning of a shift in my identity. And I didn't stop there. Since I had time to spare, I challenged myself to see if I could make it back home in another 15 minutes. I was breathing heavily and feeling the lactic acid. But the desire was still strong. So I alternated my way back with jogging, brisk walks, skips, and gallops. I made it to my block so quickly that I chose to do an extra venture around the block before heading back inside. Wow.
Stage 4: I'll do it again.
Stage 3 and 4 go together beautifully. You've done it; therefore, you'll do it again. If that feels off for you, then replace "will" with "can". I can do it again. I didn't include the "can" in the above graphic because I'm all about cutting to the chase in this post. Either works. As long as you keep moving forward.
Next time you get the idea to do that thing, expect the fear to arise. No biggie. You'll do this again. Fall into the arms of the expanded confidence developed in stage 3. You're doing this again. Period. And then have your feet follow your mind.
My daily outings can no longer be classified as just walks. Who knew this would be a thing for me. I have easily traveled a block past that initial target street and made it back home within 30 minutes, sometimes under. My tolerance for jogging and running have skyrocketed to the point where I enjoy it. I'm even going to get another pair of running shoes. What?! Who is this person?
It's me. Told you my identity shifted.
These are my stages of belief. What other stages have you experienced? What other stages would you add to this post?
Would you like to discover what else you can achieve when you strengthen your belief in yourself? I’ve got you covered with tools, strategies, and mindshifts in my book Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence: Using Your Body to Rock Your Life.
You hate your job. If hate is too strong a sentiment, you intensely dislike your job. Doesn't matter if it's full-time or part-time, you just know this ain't it. Perhaps you work in retail and you've decreased your hours to the point that you're only working one weekend a month. But you still hate it. Perhaps you've decreased your 40-hour/week job to 20 hours. But you still dislike it intensely.
You lose sleep over this. You ruminate over how much you wish you were elsewhere, even though you don't know where that "else" is. You keep thinking you have to make a change. You keep telling yourself to stop wasting time. You keep feeling this urgency.
You've built so much internal pressure that no wonder you're not sleeping well. No wonder you're overeating. No wondering you're overusing the Hulu, Prime Video, and Netflix.
I'm speaking from mad experience here.
So how do you relieve this pressure even if you're nowhere close to leaving the situation?
With one sentence: You're okay.
Ever seen a loving caretaker assuage an emotionally distressed child? They cradle the child. They gently rub the child's back. They whisper encouragement into the child's ear.
When you experience the level of intensity described above, you are an emotionally distressed human.
Be that loving caretaker to yourself.
I've alleviated lots of upsets on a range of matters by literally rubbing my hand to my chest, rocking myself to and fro, and telling myself "You're OK." I know lots of other people who do this. I've coached and mentored others to do this too.
It works. With consistent practice.
Self-soothing does not eliminate the fact that you will leave this job. The desire to create a better work scenario is valid and true. And, let's ebb the internal aggression that manifests in insomnia, weight gain, and strained relationships. You have more power over this than you realize. And it starts with your mind and how you treat yourself.
Part of the self-assuaging is gradually disappearing the word "hate" from your vocabulary. Observe and catch how many times you say to yourself, "I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate this. I hate that." Notice how you feel after every utterance. Terrible!
So instead try any of the following statements to mitigate the emotional geyser. Or create your own.
You know another benefit of alleviating the pressure? You’ll be of clearer head and sounder mind to envision and follow through on your next career or business-creation move. Taking action from an urgent, and often rash, state of mind will most likely create a worse scenario than the one you’re in.
Don't do that to yourself.
Mindfully take your next step.
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My name's Valerie and I'm a Certified Life Coach with a background in teaching dance as well as facilitating diversity, equity, and inclusion professional development conversations and workshops.