My friend found this passage somewhere on Facebook and it moved me.
I pray every woman/you remembers the Source of her/your beauty. It is an individual non-cookie cutter thang.
Pretty is one surface-level thing.
Beautiful resides in another deep realm.
Pretty can get dates and maybe a full social calendar.
Beautiful experiences the most honest love and nourishing relationships.
Pretty is temporary.
Beautiful is eternal.
Pretty can turn heads, get free stuff, and maybe generate certain erect body parts.
Beautiful invokes the deepest eye contact that pierces the surface and reveals a soul-to-soul ❤️2❤️connection.
It often appears more attention is placed on pretty. That pretty = an easier life. But does it = a more rewarding enriching life?
So many, including me, don't possess the facial geometric configuration or the body composition that constitutes what some force might deem conventionally pretty. And many of us have lived under a self-imposed tyranny of "less-than" where considerations and follow-through of rhinoplasty, augmentation, tucks, lifts, skin lightening, hair straightening, etc. etc. run the gamut.
I see photos of peeps like Li'l Kim. Unrecognizable today. It does something to me.
Instead of racing for pretty, why not aim to be Beautiful?
Why settle for just enough when you can be wealthy?
Feel good and kick ass 💥
Want more on confidence?
Chapter 1 of my upcoming book "Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence" is now available! Cultivate and own your juju from within to transcend your perceived limitations and live your life fueled by your dreams and desires.
In my previous blog post How to transform envy to fuel your Desire, I shared about a former friend who I felt envious of when I saw how successful her business appeared to be.
Today I'm going to talk a little more about how envy fueled a specific desire I wasn't even aware of and...how I got that desire two weeks ago.
So I have this new friend I met during a coaching/personal and professional development program I've been deeply immersed in since April of this year. (Let's call my new friend Cynthia).
This program has exponentialized my skill as a coach, at helping my private coaching clients resolve their desires and create juice to bring those desires to pass.
One month ago, Cynthia and I were in a small group of people just chit chatting away. Another gal who wasn't present, Brooke, got brought up in the conversation. To which Cynthia said, "Oh yeah, Brooke. She's my client."
David goes, "Oh you mean like the peer coaching we do?"
Cynthia: "No, I mean as in Brooke hired me to coach her around this very specific thing I'm really good at and she struggles with."
In that moment, I felt a pang of envy. Although I didn't have the words to articulate it then, the desire beneath the envy was this: I wanted someone in our coaching program to see something in me that they want in their life so much so that they'd hire me to coach them to help them receive it.
I felt that envy. I felt the desire. I let it pass. And didn't think about it again really...until yesterday.
I received a text message from a gal in our program, asking to do an exploratory session with me, to help her identify and get really clear about the things she is most desiring in her life professionally, romantically, and with her health.
We scheduled our exploratory call for today.
By the end of the call, she hired me to coach her in bringing her desires to fruition.
In one month, I have received the desire that was masked by my envy.
Remember my friendly challenge to you at the end of my previous post? Well, I have a modification for you today.
Try this out next time Envy pays you visit:
1. Look at your underlying desire. What do you want that the other person has?
2. Once you've clearly identified what the driving force desire is, great! Go about the business of living your life and don't spend much, or any, mental energy thinking about it.
I won't make any guarantees that you'll receive your desire in one month.
What I will say though, is that you can get in relationship with your envy and use it as your ally to pull your desires into your life.
How often do you experience envy?
Are you even aware of it when it arises?
Envy is one of those insidious emotions that can ruin the experience of feeling (and ultimately having) your desires. It can also stop you dead in your tracks from going after and receiving your own dreams.
I had a falling out with a friend about 5 years ago. Last October I was randomly browsing Facebook and one of her recent posts popped up on my feed. It described an incredible success she'd been having in her business.
I "couldn't help myself" so I Google'd her business, visited her Twitter page, and read an abundance of rave reviews about her work.
By the end of this exercise in self-flagellation, I felt drained upset, and deeply envious.
Can you relate to this?
Fortunately, I was aware enough (of my emotional state and of the thoughts running a racket in between my ears) that I was able to identify what the real thing was behind all this emotion.
That thing was my desire.
It was my desire to create an impact in my work in the way that I saw that she had.
It was my desire to attract collaborators and help for my business in that I saw that she had.
And that's where the energy softens.
One of the ways to transmute the energy of ENVY into POWER, CONFIDENCE, andCONNECTION is to get in touch with your desire.👭
The initial hit of Envy in and of itself isn't necessarily a bad thing.
It's what you do with it!
Here's your assignment...if you're ready to accept this mission!
Start with this next time Envy hits.
1. Look at your underlying desire. What do you want that the other person has?
2. Is there some part of you that doesn't think you can have it?
Let me know how it goes!
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I've been thinking a lot recently about envy in relation to social media.
You're feeling all fine about life then come across a Facebook friend's post and soon afterwards your feel-good juju turns to sadness or this pervasive sense that something's actually wrong. You should be doing more. You should be doing something else. This isn't enough.
The acronym used to describe this phenomenon is FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out.
In the video below, I describe a recent experience kicking FOMO's arse.
What do you to keep the envy gremlins at bay?
I was amped, stoked, in action, then I stalled. I wouldn't touch it, look at it, didn't even want to think about it.
I'm talking about my book.
I'm the Author of the upcoming book Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence: Using Your Body to Rock Your Life.
But 3 months ago, I stopped working on it. My perfectionist came to the surface. I judged everything I'd already written, refusing to write anything else because I would just judge that too.
And then last weekend came around.
I was my publisher's Get Your Book Done camp. Being with him for 3 days straight in a community of other Authors all working on our books was friggin' AMAZING.
I experienced a shift.
I came back into relationship with my book, adding pages and pages of content.
I secured an editor and formatter.
My fire for my book is back.
The keys to this: structure and community.
I had a structure: Fri-Sun from 9am to 7pm I was in a room working on the book under the guidance of my mentor.
I had community: The energy of others working on the same thing is INVALUABLE to the life of the thing I'm working on.
Now that the camp is over, I'm setting up ongoing structure and community to COMPLETE my dream and desire of finishing this book.
What about you?
Which of your desires needs to be resuscitated? Is it to change jobs, start your own business, or get promoted in your current work? Is your next desire to lose 15 lbs?
You don't have to do this alone - and you shouldn't.
Community and structure are KEY to bringing your desires from make-believe to physical reality.
And to support you with community and structure (and fun), I'm facilitating The Rock Your Life Danceshop(TM) on Saturday, May 28, 2016 in Los Angeles.
This event is designed to help you have your dream job(s) and relationships in your dream body image through Latin, House, African, and Zumba dance.
I would love for you to experience the Danceshop with the existing people in your community. Bring 10 people and automatically receive a $35 Lululemon gift card + your Danceshop registration is free. This is not a drawing. The gift card is yours. Email me right now and confirm this as your registration option.
Additional Registration options:
2. Register now for one ticket - $10 in advance (Register at https://squareup.com/store/feel-good-kick-ass/item/rock-your-life-danceshop-tm)
3. Bring 3 people and your registration is free. Email firstname.lastname@example.org to make arrangements.
4. Pay $15 at the door
Once you've registered you and your peeps, make it a goal to spark a connection with another Danceshop attendee that can last beyond May 28.
You never know who you'll meet, and the kind of support you'll receive to bring more and more desires into existence down the line!
The choreography was playing a serious game of twister with my mind and body. This was Urban Hip Hop class and I was straight up L O S T two-thirds of the way into the routine.
Teacher man would run the choreo and I’d analyze his movements, doing them along with him. But then he stopped running the moves with us completely. And I stopped dancing.
Our befuddlement was so palpable that it inspired him to say, “What are you guys going to do when I stop dancing with you? Y’all gotta stop relying on me for the moves.”
Hmmm. Y’all gotta stop relying on me for the moves.
My silent rebuttal: “But I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. So how can I not look at you?”
Contrary to his playful threat, Mr. Teach did continue running the moves with us (and adding more) for the rest of the class; however, I tried a different approach. I stopped looking at him so hard. I only looked at him for reference and spent most of the time focusing on my movements; thereby forcing my brain to actually recall what we had been working on. Then I was able to take ownership of the movements and make them mine. And I had fun.
In flipping how I approached this insanely challenging class, I found that the opposite of my original thinking was true: I was lost because I was relying more on the teacher than I was relying on myself. To my surprise, I retained the choreography better and walked out of class feeling like I actually danced. I felt good and I was proud of myself.
Was it a fluke? I tried it out in another challenging class – West African. Mr. Teacher taught a rather involved sequence of moves. My initial thought, “Ugh, how am I going to remember this?” But I used him as reference instead of go-to from the get-go. I also softened my gaze and took in the big picture, seeing myself in relation to the other dancers in the room. This expanded my references and released my reliance on any one person. Class was a success. I had a great time; I creatively expressed myself and I retained the choreography.
Teachers guide, but they’re not there to play the game nor dance the dance for us. There comes a point when we have to take our eyes off the instructor and make the dance our own.
Do you tend to rely more on a guru than on yourself? Do you use teachers, mentors, and guides as crutches rather than stepping stones? I challenge you to shift your focus from them onto yourself.
Mindset: I can’t do it on my own. It’s too hard.
Mindshift: Hard does not mean impossible. Challenges are opportunities for growth. I’m willing to take the leap and trust myself, thereby putting the teachers in my life in their appropriate place.
And these are the classes I'm talking about...
Words to Live By
Be super kind to yourself.