How To Make Confident Decisions

Photo by Mike San on Unsplash

You think you SUCK at making decisions.

You hem and haw for days.

You ask a bunch of people what they think, hoping that the answer will be crystal clear once you hear the "right" answer. But you're left even more confused.

You make a choice. Then you change your mind. Two minutes later you flop back to your first choice.

In my previous post Why It's So Hard to Make Decisions, I uncovered a hidden reason why you feel like a hummingbird's wings when you're presented with options. Before you continue reading, read that post and watch the accompanying short video to get to the root of why you do what you do. 

I'll wait . . . 

​OK, now that we're both on the same page, here's how you go about making confident decisions. Ready? Oh, but why didn't I just title this article "How to Make Decisions"?

Because it's not just about making any old decision. It's about feeling good with your decision, even if the outcome doesn't go the way you expect. It's about making decisions that inspire you. It's about making decisions that leave you feeling proud of yourself. 

Confident decision-making boils down to two words: TRUST YOURSELF

Ugh. Cue the eye rolling. Cue the exasperated, "Seriously? But how do I do that?"

Your brain can't wrap it's head around what trusting yourself even means.
Stay with me here.
There's more.

Know thyself to trust thyself.

OMG, Valerie. Are you kidding me with this cryptic esoteric verbiage?

Hold up. Let me break it down for you and then provide practical application.

Think of your social life. What’s the point of dating people before getting into a relationship with them? To get to know them, right? To understand how they view the world. To see if you can live with their quirks. To determine if you gel together.

Now fast forward ten dates later. How do you feel about someone you spend lots of quality time with? You trust them. You believe in their reliability. You believe they are being honest with you. You know they have your back.

When you trust someone you have confidence that they have your best interests in mind and at heart.

Now switch the camera to selfie view. When you trust yourself you have confidence that you are looking out for you. You believe in your reliability towards yourself. 

Same way that you would spend oodles of quality time with a love interest, do the same with yourself. ​Spend oodles of quality time solo. Take that cherished me-time. Even if you’re an extrovert, you can still find time to just do you. Take yourself on an artist date. Start small if you must. 30 minutes. Then build up from there. Re-discover yourself. 

Some other ideas:

• Grab paper and pen. Set a timer for 10 minutes and write down every single thought you're thinking. This is a practice in observing your thoughts. The human brain thinks over 6,200 thoughts per day. Get curious about your own mind and document what you find.

• Go for a 30-minute walk around your neighborhood and leave your phone at home. Look around. What do you notice? What makes you feel good? Pay attention to what catches your attention and ask yourself why it does.

• Dine at your favorite restaurant. Solo. As you explore the menu, let yourself be drawn to the items that whet your palate. Then order them. Don't second-guess. Go with your first thought. Savor the experience of treating yourself to a delicious meal. Watch the people around you. Get curious about your mind. Discover what amuses you and what doesn't. Turn your phone off. Scrolling on the medias and incessantly checking texts defeat the purpose of this exercise.

• Take a day trip around your city. Do not plan your route in advance. Hop on a bus or train and only get off on stops that spark your interest in some way. Walk around. Meander. Pay attention to the  the path that inspires you, that makes you feel safe. Don't think hard on this. Go with your gut. The point is to practice listening to your intuition and follow it.​
  

• Take a dance or fitness class. Virtual and in-person both work. Now, pay attention to how your body feels with each movement the instructor gives you. Do you need to adapt certain movements to fit your body's needs? Pay attention to the moves that feel really good. Do more of those. Movement is one of the most powerful ways of developing trust between your mind and your body. Read Chapter 3 of my book Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence: Using Your Body to Rock Your Life, where we explore specific ways that moving your body increases your confidence. I show you how to participate in dance classes as a training ground to create what you want in the rest of your life. You can read that chapter gratis here.

Spend time with yourself to know yourself.
Know yourself to trust yourself.
Trust yourself to make confident decisions.
​Rinse. Repeat.

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Want more tools to deepen your self-trust? Read my entire book "Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence: Using Your Body to Rock Your Life" for comprehensive techniques and practices on the road to making more and more confident decisions.
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